I’m a little Drowsy

I am so tired right now. And a little bit grouchy, I think. I don’t stay up to help with 3am feedings, but I seem to get caught until 1 am. Then I have to get up in the morning with Mags and whew! I feel like I could live on coffee and prescription weight loss pills (I could stand to lose a few pounds) right now- just to keep me functioning. I’ve got a lot to do today and just keep staring at my screen and wondering where my inspiration is. Ha! It’ll come, but hopefully not after my deadline.

I would also like to send a public “Thank you!” to a dear friend of mine. She sent us a Target.com gift certificate and Pee Wee bought a sling and a bouncy chair. They came in the mail today and they are so cute! My friend knows who she is and I am so lucky to have her on my side. Thanks so much for everything.

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Post-Birth Baby Shower?

We didn’t get to have a baby shower for Pee Wee and KJ. Money was a little tight there towards the end of her pregnancy and then POOF! He’s here. So, now I want to do a post-birth baby shower of some sort. A kind of “Welcome to the World” kind of thing. But what do you put on the party invitations? Who do you invite? How much hand sanitizer is needed?

She has everything she needs right now for him, so I was thinking we could request diapers in various sizes. When I had Pee Wee I purchased most of her baby items second hand, then spent a lot of my working time putting a lot of diapers on lay-a-way. Unfortunately, Pee Wee had to stop working in February and there’s no where around here that offers lay-a-way anymore (Curse you, Wal-Mart!!). If we invited 25 people and asked each one to bring an economy pack of diapers of various sizes, we could be stocked up for a little while. Yes? At least until Pee Wee is able to get back to work.

She, of course, is not keen on that idea. She wants even more clothes. I don’t blame her. But, shoot, diapers are expensive and if we can get them for free why not? When she gave birth to the little cutie she only “needed” two things. Thanks to the extreme generosity of a friend of mine, she was able to purchase those two things. Diapers aren’t so cute, but they sure are necessary and anything else is gravy. Right?

I think I’ve made my decision.

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Growing a Mommy

The last couple of days have been a little challenging for me. I’m trying to help Pee Wee adjust to being a mother- while she’s still a child. She’s really depending on me through this time and I’m certainly happy to help, but I worry that she’s depending on me too much with regards to caring for KJ. I’ve been staying up late with her to help her with breastfeeding at night (encouragement and help with latching on mostly) and then getting up with Mags in the morning. If I had a private jet charter we’d all be down in the Florida Keys right now, enjoying the salty breezes and doing all this in the warm sunshine.

At any rate, Mags is a little lost, but she’s working on it. I’ve been trying to help her adjust the best that I can by letting her help me and encouraging Pee Wee to ask for her help. She’s also needed a few extra cuddles and at one point wanted me to hold her like a little baby. We’ve been trying to adjust and I want her to know that she’s still my baby and that KJ is Pee Wee’s baby. I think she’s starting to be ok with that, as long as she can have my attention whenever she wants it.

Right now it seems like one or the other of my daughters is always calling for me. “Can you get me some juice…can you get his diapers…I’m hungry…Can you change the channel…Can you…” It’s not that I’m complaining (though it does sound like it) I’m just getting really tired and I really have stuff I need to do.

Last night I explained to Pee Wee that she needs to learn that some things she can do for herself. For instance, she can carry KJ along with her (or lay him in his bassinet) while she’s getting her juice. I also reminded her of the importance of naps. She’s got this thing (which has been for her entire life) that she has to actually experience something before she believes it to be true. I told her before she had KJ that she would be really tired, that her nipples would be sore, that it would be a struggle the first couple of weeks, etc, but she didn’t seem to believe me. Now she’s saying “I’m so tired…My nipples hurt…I feel like I’m always feeding…” and so I had to remind her that she knew all of this beforehand. I’ve officially ordered her regular naps and am making sure she doesn’t spend all her free time (read: time not feeding) on MySpace or on the phone. She’s frustrated with me because her free time isn’t really free anymore, but what can I do? Newborns are a lot of work. Especially breastfed newborns. She’s out of school right now, so she has plenty of time to learn the ropes. And not-so-much time for playing with her buds. The joys of teenage motherhood, huh? I was there. I know. I hope I can help her do better than I did.

I’m hoping in a few more days things will level out and we’ll find a good routine.

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He’s here!

Born at 7:09am May 9,2008. He weighed 5lbs. 8oz and was 18 inches long. I introduce my new grandson, KJ!

Pee Wee went to the doctor on Thursday and her blood pressure was way up. So we had to go to labor and delivery where she could be evaluated. Her BP spiked to 173\104. They decided to induce labor. We moved from triage to a birthing room and they commenced with the magnesium sulfate (to prevent seizures) and the pitocin. They inserted a foley ball, inflated it and waited for it to fall at- which would indicate she’d reached 3 cm. and that an epidural could be placed. It fell out within the hour. But there were so many babies coming on Friday morning that we had to wait for the anesthesiologist. Pee Wee labored like a champ for those few hours. She breathed fine, didn’t panic and didn’t start screaming and cussing. Finally she got her epidural and all was well.

Around 6:30am the doctor came in to check on her and noticed that the babies heart rate would drop with each contraction. They thought something like this could happen because of the combination of magnesium and pitocin, so they decided it was time to do a section. At this time she was 6 cm.

I was there when my grandson was pulled out at 7:09am. My daughter and I both cried when she heard him cry (I had already seen him placed on her belly, but she couldn’t see above the curtain). Then Pee Wee promptly fell asleep. I stayed with the baby until Pee Wee and he were ready to go to recovery.

She stayed until yesterday and I stayed with her. I have to tell you that I have a HUGE amount of admiration for post-partum support people (most often dads, of course). I didn’t sleep any more than she did while we stayed there. She needed a little more help than usual, of course, because of her incision. I helped her in every way that I could and she managed just fine. She’s having some issues with breastfeeding, but they gave her a hospital grade pump to help her get it going (she’s got large breasts and the swelling from the pre-eclampsia didn’t make that any better). Also, he’s a little “tongue-tied” so breastfeeding is a challenge for them both.

Mags is having a little difficulty adjusting to the new baby now. I try to give her the most attention and let Pee Wee tend to KJ, but when Pee Wee calls for help I go and, well, Mags doesn’t like that. So far I’ve had to pretend to pump my breasts, hold her like a baby, pat her butt, and show her pictures of her babyhood. I’m hopeful that she’ll get through this phase soon because she’s kind of driving me batty.

Oma and KJ in the hospital chair.

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Pee Wee’s In Labor

Update Below

At least that’s what we’re thinking. She’s having regular contractions right now, but is still able to walk through them. I’m getting ready to jump in the shower and get this ball rolling.

I’ll let you know.

Update

She’s still in labor, but her cervix hasn’t changed. So they sent us home with instructions to come back when she can’t walk through them anymore. It was a pain because we were ready. I had to bring three bags (one for her, one for baby and one for me) down and load them back in the car. She was irritated because the doctor said she could have contractions like this for a couple of days before she goes any further. Poor kid. I didn’t know what to tell her. When I labored with her and her sister it took me 6 hours from the crampy stage to the “It’s a girl!” stage.

We’ll see how we go today. She’s sleeping now, so they must not be too bad. I’m hoping she can hold off until 9:30pm so I can take my final exam. LOL, am I horrible or what? At any rate, we’re ready for the little guy. We can hardly wait for him to finally make an appearance.

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Looking for Inspiration

I was searching for t.v. spoilers (for my new gig) when I came across these kinds of spoilers. It’s notable because I’m going to be 35 next month and I’d never known what those things were called. I also didn’t realize they were still popular.

At any rate, I found plenty of spoilers for soap operas. Those are easy to come by. But for television dramas? Not so much. Little bits of “what’s happening next week” is about all I can come by. I’m running out of interesting ideas to write about regarding dramatic television. How many character bios does the internet need anyway? Finding something to write about on one topic is very hard for me. But it’s also a great way to get my brain working. Like writing prompts, I’m forced to be a lot more creative in finding topics- niche topics if you will. There’s more interest in reality tv (not from me) than anything else. So it’s easy to find ideas in that arena. I really don’t care what happened on “Idol” last night, but that doesn’t matter to the rest of the Internet. Apparently, I’m supposed to be addicted too.

I have to say, though, that my site there gets thousands more hits than this site or even Simply Stating. I don’t get comments, of course, but there is plenty of interest in what I’m writing. The problem is that I don’t get feedback besides the stats, so I don’t know which direction to go in with this stuff. I’m getting lost.

Is there anything particular (regarding dramatic television) that you’d be interested in reading?

Popularity: 86% [?]

Meditating the Pain Away

A few years ago we went to South Carolina and stayed in a Hilton Head rental. We stayed for a week and a half and I loved it. It was the best vacation I’d ever had. We had immediate access to a private beach, a pool and spent a lot of time strolling along the walking paths (like a sidewalk but different). Being so close to the ocean was calming for me and so I use my memories from there for meditation purposes.

There are many health benefits of meditation which include but are not limited to:

• Stress reduction

  Meditating properly helps bring stress chemicals down to normal levels, eases anxiety, and for some people even cures phobias.

  Neuroscientists have found that meditators shift their brain activity to different areas of the cortex - brain waves in the stress-prone right frontal cortex move to the calmer left frontal cortex. This mental shift decreases the negative effects of stress, mild depression and anxiety.[source]

• Decreases blood pressure

  See Above for why.

• Decreases muscle tension which can reduce the frequency and severity of headaches

  Learning to recognize muscle tension through meditation is an excellent way of controlling chronic pain. Many people suffer from tension (stress) headaches and proper meditation can reduce that.

• Increases self-awareness

  This can help with problem solving and issues with low self-confidence. Most meditation requires that you remove all thought from your mind and float in “nothing”. Because of emotional conflicts, the practitioner is forced to deal with issues s/he wasn’t aware of previously. Then the brain follows paths to a resolution to these conflicts, leading to higher levels of self-confidence. [source]

How Do I Do It?

Depending on what you read regarding meditation you are either supposed to empty your mind and completely relax or focus on something that relaxes you. It’s almost impossible for me to completely empty my mind. Just thinking about emptying my mind causes me to think about something. Obviously that method doesn’t work for me. And it may not work for you. My method may not work for you either, so take that into consideration if you try it.

First, I make sure that I have absolute solitude. I cannot be disturbed during my meditation. Because I’m a mom and wife, I have to make sure there’s no one home and the dog is outside. I go into a room with no phone and no television. Nothing to distract me from my meditation time.

Then, I put on a CD of sounds of nature. I particularly like the sounds of thunderstorms or waves breaking in the ocean. I try to limit the sounds of animals as they can be too distracting for me. I place a folded blanket on the floor and sit cross-legged on that. Then I close my eyes.

This is when I go back to Hilton Head. It’s a more complex type of meditation than what you may have read about elsewhere. With my eyes closed I imagine the blue sky above me. Then, if I’m using the ocean CD, I imagine looking toward the shore with the waves crashing against the sand. I imagine the smell of a salty breeze and the feel of fine sand under my legs. I use my mind’s eye to walk me from one sensation to the next until all of my senses are utilized.

When I’m at a place where I can almost believe I’m really on that beach in Hilton Head, I start to really relax. I start by relaxing the muscles on the top of my head and work my way down to my toes. I mentally find every muscle that is being used and relax it just enough (I don’t want to fall asleep or fall over). This is amazingly useful in finding those trouble spots that you didn’t know were troublesome. I imagine that each muscle is being smoothed over by a warm breeze. I do this for each part of my body, including my face and, yes, my ears.

Finally I’m completely relaxed and I let myself “walk” down the beach. When I was physically in Hilton Head, the early morning was the best time of day for me. I could walk on that beach and not be bothered by anyone- save for the occasional jogger. Since I was the only one in my family who enjoyed these walks, I was left alone with myself and Mother Nature. It was peaceful and I was completely content. It was a near-perfect experience for me. And so, when I meditate I take myself back there.

Today there is much emphasis on medications to ease your mind and calm your body. Many people still scoff at the “New Age” practice of meditation and refuse to contemplate it. But when you’ve exhausted the options modern medicine offers for stress-relief and pain management, meditation is really something to consider. Because, believe it or not, it really works.

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